Many people have a difficult time understanding the philosophy of the swinging lifestyle. Like many other sexual practices it carries the stigma of loose or slutty people that only care about sex & not their relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth! Most swingers are very well adjusted people who live very normal lives. Their relationship is usually one of intense strength & trust for each other. Many of them have risen past the boundaries of common jealousy & know that no matter what may happen in a particular sexual event, their relationship will stay strong.
The other key ingredient to these relationships is communication (gee, where have I heard that before?) Swinging for those of you new to this is the practice of allowing one or more “other” parties to be involved with the couple sexually. It may be done by means of a threesome, foursome, orgy, swapping or what is called soft swing. For now we will try to explain many of the thoughts behind this practice & some of the major dos & don’ts if you are thinking of entering the swinging lifestyle.
The Thoughts Behind The Act
Swinging allows a couple the freedom of exploration into other sexual realms with the blessing of their lover. Whether it is bisexuality, multiple partners or just a yen for variety in their sexual life, the swinging couple has learned to communicate their desires to each other in an open & honest manor. They have also learned to accept each other’s sexual desires. Most of all they have decided to explore their sexuality as a couple.
The funny thing about swinging, as it is called amongst the human species, is that it is the norm in the rest of the animal world. Now I know what some of you are saying here, we are not animals & we have risen above that, but in fact we are part of the entire world’s “animal kingdom”. Monogamy is basically an idea created by humans in the last several centuries & hasn’t worked to awfully well, if the amount of cheating & divorces because of cheating are any indication. Swinging addresses this problem with a unique answer. Cheat together so it is no longer cheating!
Another very common thought involved in the swinging world is the “ultimate gift” theory. As most of you know one of the most common fantasies for straight women is to be with 2 or more men at one time. Does this make them a slut…….not hardly! A man wishing to express his love & a wish to make this common fantasy come true for his lover has given her the ultimate gift. A fantasy come true that most women would never come out & ask for. The same applies to a woman wishing to help her man make his fantasy of this come true. These couples usually approach this as “them”, the couple having sex with others, not just one of them.
No matter how the couple approaches swinging or the boundaries set for this practice the one key element is complete trust, honesty & communication between the lovers. Swinging attempted without these key elements is like dancing on dynamite!
Where To Start
Starting into swinging requires a massive amount of preparation & may actually take you years to finally accomplish. Under no circumstances should this be attempted on a whim; without this preparation your relationship may suffer irreparable damage. Second Rule Of Swinging: If your relationship has problems swinging will not fix them, it will destroy your relationship. Swinging is for those with very stable relationships & with a good sense of what each other feels & thinks!
The first thing couples should discuss is exactly what they are looking for in a swinging situation. Is it two guys & one girl or visa-versa, or maybe another couple. These parameters should be laid out & both of you must agree to them before moving forward. Once you have established what each of you want, you need to set up the rules of the game. Rules are very important in this situation & must be adhered to without fail. Crossing your partners boundaries in the heat of passion will undoubtedly cause mistrust for further engagements & possibly relationship trouble. These rules, however small or petty they may seem to you, may mean a great deal to your partner. Once again the key here is communication. Jealousy can rear it’s ugly head during swinging & quite often does, so make sure you have addressed this issue well in advance.
When You Think You Are Ready
Once you have decided to enter the world of swinging you must decide a few more items. Will it be someone we know or a stranger? Will it be a friendship that builds up to sex or a one night thing? Who will you accept as a partner? These issues are the next phase & once again must be discussed.
Some couples prefer the wham-bam approach to swinging, never seeing their extra lovers again. This approach seems to help with issues of jealousy or the possibility of a relationship happening. On the other side of the coin is the approach of making friends & developing a social relationship with potential partners prior to any sex. This method allows you to become comfortable with your “extra” lovers & possibly understand their rules & boundaries.
Whichever you choose make sure it feels right for BOTH of you. Start checking out other’s ads & maybe list yourselves. There are hundreds of local & national ad magazines & web sites. Screen your responses carefully & don’t be afraid to extend out the “safe” communication with others until you feel completely comfortable with them.
Another quite often overlooked tidbit of swinging etiquette is responding to the ones you’re not interested in. Many people don’t want to appear as cruel by saying “no thanks.” Trust me, nothing is more frustrating to swingers than those who don’t give the common courtesy to write or call back & just say “thanks, but your not quite what we are looking for.” Get used to the fact that your going to have to plow through hundreds, maybe thousands of ads before you find the right one, it’s a fact of life.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions that are important to you. If they are not willing to communicate with you & answer these questions they are probably not right for you. As you check out these ads & responses discuss what you liked & didn’t like about each one. You may go through a period of fine tuning what you are looking for by doing this.
Lastly make sure you know who you are dealing with when using online swinger web sites. There are thousands of single men out there that pose as a couple or single woman, start a dialog with a couple with the only intention of getting some free pictures. These are what’s know as picture collectors. Don’t ever send pictures of yourself to anyone you are not 100% sure of.
The same goes for meeting someone you meet online. Make sure your meeting is in a public place with lots of people around, just to be safe. Personally we always have at least one phone call with any potential partner before we meet and even then we plan all of our first meetings in a local club or restaurant.