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Well now the festive season is upon us again.wellI have just seen what i would like in my stocking this year
on another not here is an intresting blog http://www.belledejour-uk.blogspot.co The Writer of a Secret Diary of a Call Girl which was played by Billie Piper
Xmas rather than
Simply to piss you off. No, not really It’s shorter.
Q: Why do reindeer have red noses?
A: They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose (the sleigh doesn’t have an airbag, either).
Q: Why does Santa use Elves?
A: There is no trade union for Elves. They’re easy to exploit.
Q: Is there really a Mrs. Claus?
A: Highly unlikely. Since Santa is surrounded by male figures (Elves, reindeer named Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen etc.) his sexual preference seems to tend towards homosexuality. He is said to have some problems finding a gerontophile/zoophile Elf for a threesome with a reindeer, though.
Q: Does Santa really live on the North Pole?
A: Uncertain. However, rumor has it that the story of Santa and the North Pole has nothing to do with the Arctic, but that Santa is known to frequently ask the Elves and reindeer if he can shove his pole up north. Obviously, this is related to the cryptic description “up where the sun don’t shine”, which applies to both the North Pole and assholes in general.
Q: Does Santa really work all year round making toys?
A: Get real! Check the box in which the Christmas gift came! Does it say “Made on the North Pole”? (“Made in China”, more likely)
Q: Then what does he DO all year?
A: Uncertain. Chasing Elves and reindeer, most likely. Maybe he spends his winters in Florida.
Q: Is the story about the little angel and the Christmas tree true?
A: Without a doubt. Santa has a temper and can develop a nasty attitude (he doesn’t take stress too well).
Q: If so, why do the little angels on Christmas trees look happy (given the fact they have a tree up theirs)?
A: Little angels are known to be kinky.
Q: Do the polar bears on the North Pole cause Santa any trouble?
A: Not since Santa equipped the guard Elves with M-61 submachine guns.
Q: So Santa is basically a gun-crazy, homosexual, angry old man who exploits little Elves, fools around all day, and drives around in a sleigh that lacks basic security measures?
A: You forgot about the bestiality thing.
well the past month its been pretty quiet. But on the good side I’ve found 2 fuckbuddies heaven help me if I am ever in the same room as both of them as they are both sex starved angles. I think they would end up killing me 😉
As i have said before there are a few people ie couple on the scene for the wrong reason and in the past Ive come across them.I know people like other of all sorts of shapes and sizes but some i cant see as being sexy maybe its me i dont know see what i mean
But speaking to a few friends on this subject these friends include single females and couples m+f and the common consensus is that a lot of guys dont know how to fuck.
They dont listen to instruction on how the lady likes it he just carries on thinking he knows best or cant even last longer than a couple of minutes.Her is a simple tip Guys between thoses lovely pussy lips is something called a Clitoris aka CLIT So guys here it is
and here are some instructions
Oral sex is one of the best and most exciting ways to stimulate the clitoris. The tongue can be used with expert precision. It can be hard or soft on command, and saliva is a perfect natural lubrication.
But enough with the scientific reasons! Oral sex is incredibly exciting and sexy. It makes her feel loved and admired, and can give her some amazing orgasms.
Men who are great at oral sex are almost guaranteed to be remembered as fabulous lovers. If you want to make sure you’re counted among them, just take a look at the following tips and techniques.
Make sure you’re well groomed
How would you like to have sand paper rubbed between your legs? Well that’s what a five-o-clock shadow feels like to her. Make sure your face is smooth and clean-shaven. A beard isn’t as bad, but it might tickle.
Make sure she’s relaxed
Some women think of their genitals as dirty or naughty and can be self-conscious about anyone kissing them. If this is an issue it can distract from her pleasure and also be a distraction for you as well.
Fortunately there are a few tricks to deal with this. Suggest that you take a hot bath or shower together. She’ll be much more comfortable knowing that she’s squeaky clean.
You can also slip a satin blindfold over her eyes. If she can’t see you she won’t be as nervous. Not being able to see will also force her to focus on the wonderful sensations you’re giving her.
Keep in mind that if you turn her on enough with other forms of foreplay she’ll be so hot and bothered that being self conscious will be the last thing on her mind. Which brings us to the next tip…
Don’t race to the clitoris
Women love it when a man takes the time to appreciate her and her body. They also take a little more time than men to really get in the mood.
Let her know what’s coming by starting at her lips and kissing your way down her body. Pay extra attention to her breasts, stomach, and thighs. Meanwhile you can use your hands to caress her softly.
If she’s still wearing underwear, breath warm air softly on her genital area. Kiss or lick her through the underwear a few times before removing them. Remember that women really enjoy being teased.
After you’ve kissed her stomach and inner thighs, slowly work your way to her vagina. Start by licking the outer lips, then gently spread them and kiss the inner lips. Try to hold off from coming in contact with her clitoris for as long as you can.
By now she should be fully aroused and ready for the main event. Before you begin, remember that there’s almost nothing you can do with your tongue that will feel bad. As long as you don’t apply too much pressure directly to her clitoris she’ll be enjoying herself the whole time. So relax!
Basic clitoral stimulation
Use your tongue to gently lick the sides of the clitoris, stimulating it through the clitoral hood. Get her fully turned on and then carefully retract the hood with your fingers. Place your tongue beneath the clitoris and slide it upward with soft, wet strokes. Maintain gentle, deliberate strokes, even when she’s begging for something harder and faster. If you do this correctly, she should have an earth-shattering orgasm in no time.
Deep tongue strokes
Leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed, lick her from her vaginal entrance up to her clitoris. This should be a slow, leisurely, ice cream cone lick. This is a great opener for your oral session.
Spread her outer vaginal lips with your fingers. With your tongue pointed, gently flick it around her clitoris. This can be to intense for some women, so pay close attention to her reaction.
Start with slow, rhythmic deep tongue strokes to get her all worked up. Then when she can’t take it any more, hit her with a series of quick, teasing licks. Return to slow strokes and repeat until she orgasms.
This method works well because the clitoris is extremely sensitive at first and the long tongue strokes start her blood flowing while offering the consistent stimulation she needs. The teasing licks add surprise, spike her sexual response, and keep her moving toward orgasm.
Suck on it
As she becomes more aroused, you can gently suck her clitoris into your mouth and flick your tongue over it. This can be done aggressively or lightly. She’ll love the combination of the sucking pressure and tongue flicks. However, this can be intense so don’t overdo it.
Use your fingers
Combining any of the above techniques with your fingers almost guarantees an orgasm.
Just having them inside her will do wonders, but if you really want to make her squirm, use a come-hither motion to stimulate her G-spot as you lick her clitoris.
Let her know you’re enjoying it too
As we mentioned earlier, many women can be self conscious about oral sex. Make eye contact with her and give her a smile every now and then. Don’t be afraid of letting loose with a few moans and groans of your own.
Nothing will make her happier than knowing that you enjoy pleasing her.
Keep giving it to her
When your woman gets close to orgasm, make sure you do everything she wants you to. It doesn’t matter if your neck is tired or your arm is falling asleep, keep it up until she finishes. If you stop, she’ll lose it and you’ll have to start all over again from the beginning.
But Back to the subject in hand
Alot of the time with a couple where the female got the couple into swinging its because the Guy is not very good.So for the woman to get some good sex she is palming her hubby of on to other ladies who are going to get a crap shag.this is notalways the cas but its very common.But the other side of it you will find the men pushing the wife into it which is not right at all which can backfire on e hubby especially if a male comes along who does intrest the wife and knows how to fuck and hity all the right buttons. you could find you wife running off with them and because your a crap shap your not goingto get very far on the scene because nobody wants you.Its all about you giving great sex and getting great sex in return with a bit of varity.Looking on the good side there are plenty of couples who are totally sexy and know how to have a good time and give a good time.So when you find one keep hold of them lol
as for profile pics try and use some decent pics your not going to get far trying to take pics ofyour self using a crap camera phone.Digital camera dont cost much
If your looking for a Lifestyle friendly holliday have a look here http://www.travelsdc.com/
Some people cant understand or want to understand what Swinging is all about.I am not looking to preach or convert the Vanillas of this world as its each to their own. But the swinging life stlye is more open and less boundries.You will meet people from all levels of society.
A good majority of people into swinging are couples but you also get singles.Why do you ask well a few couples part of their fantasy is to see the other half with some one esle be that a male or female. Or just to add a 3rd part to the mix to make up a 3-some. Every one could be straight or may be a mix of straight and Bi tastes.Everyone is different.If you think you can come up with all the different combinations they your wrong as the mix and tastes are only limited to your own imagination.
So what happens well I will give you a basic rundown on how things work.
So if you and your partner have decided to try swinging. Sit down and talk about what your looking for and remember thew golden rule No means No. you are doing it together for fun so at the end of the night you both are to have fun.if one person is not intrested in the other then dont go ahead never feel you have to.
You join a swinging site there are a few to choose from
Make contact with someone you like. You will get a few rejections as this is a 2way thing.
Once contact has been made you can just arrange to meet or discuss things further eihter by Email or MSN which seems popular. More often the first meet is usually a social meet often in a pub or bar just to see each other face to face and see how you get on.You might all hit is of and either head to a hotel or back you your or their place for sex. Just remember their are 4 of you so if one of you is not happy or intrested dont go ahead or push it further.Aslo safe sex is a must so remember the condoms.Often at the end of the night you will go you seperate ways and discuss wiht each other and contact the other party to either say No we wont be taking this further.or we would love to meet up again for some fun.
The other way is to go to a swingers club their are a few around. you meet in the bar chat hit it off and go to one of the play rooms.Most clubs have private play rooms just so the 4 of you can play and they have general rooms where evey one is in there together. If you are in a general play room you may be approached by others but if you say no they will move away its all about good sex and respect.
When you put a profile on a site put up what your looking for and what you like as well as what you dont like.Have a look at a few profiles to get an idea
As said before you you both want sex then going to meet a couple whos Husband ony want to sit back and watch then their are not for you unless your wife is bi and will also play with the lady.
one of the other twists you may come across is a couple who might also play as singles where he/she mihgt meet other singles or couples for fun and sometimes the other half like to hear all the blow by blow details afterwards. Like i said if you think you know all the combinations you will come acoss something you not think of .
If your worried that you might come across someone you know they will be thinking the same.Well the golden unwritten rule is you dont say anything about it to them in public.I have actually come across my boss and his wife on the scene and we both know about each other and have never said a word about it. we both know and thats it.
But remember to talk to each other about rules
you might want to play in seperate rooms or all together in the same room. Also be clean poss shaved or trimmed.Look nice and smell nice.
I have come across one pet hate alot of people agree one is guys turning up in football tops. Dump the top and tracksuit bottoms put on some pants or smart jeans and shoes not your old raggy trainers. If your appearance is shoddy a good chace your sexual perfomance is shoddy/crap as well
one very good tip is finde out what the other persone your going to play with likes and dislikes.If you please them they will please you.Every onbe is different so what works on your partner might not work on someone else
ie pulling your wife hair might be a big turn on for her but could be a turn off for someone else. there is a good chance you mihgt find new things that turn you on as well.
Now Guys just because you think your a stud 3 mins does not make for good sex.You might be satisfied but at a good guess the lady is not.
Will add more soon
Just when I was thinking the scene was going downhill up pops a very sexy lady.She is funny great humor and the sex is great.
She is also a great person who you can have a naughty or normal conversation with.